Practical Jokes Love affair
by the-pervy-pervs
Summary: Warning: Suggestive Scenes, Nudity and Mild Coarse Language.What happens when our beloved priest gets drunk?
1. Sanzo

Practical Jokes

It was Sanzo's birthday and, from the guidance of Hakkai they decided to throw him a party. After many drinks Gojyo was rather tipsy and decided to do something quite mean. Shortly later Hakkai dragged him out shopping leaving Sanzo and Goku alone in the inn.

After finishing his beer, Sanzo decreed that clothes were very restricting. He pulled them off yelling "Freedom" and threw them at Goku.

Now wearing only his underwear, his favourite song began to play on the radio so he put his underwear on his head and started to dance.

Goku's eyes opened wide and he asked "What the hell is that!" pointing at a dark patch on Sanzo's upper leg.

The dark patch was at the back of Sanzo's leg, and so, while trying to see what the monkey was talking about, he turned several times before falling flat on his backside. And that was when he got a clear view of the patch.

"Oh, that" Sanzo giggled before explaining, "It's a birthmark". Suddenly, the music changed and became slow. A love song.

Clumsily, Sanzo stood up. When he looked at Goku, the monkey was taken aback by his expression.

"Get on the bed, monkey" Sanzo's voice was husky.

"Uh, Sanzo? Are you okay?" All he got for an answer was Sanzo's lips on his own.

After pushing the blonde man away slightly, Goku looked at him. "Uh, Sanzo, you're, uh, a little, uh" Goku tried to get a point through,. Words failing him, the monkey held up Sanzo's discarded robes.

Sanzo swatted the robes away. "take your pants off."

"What?"

"-Sigh- for a cutie, your not all that bright." If it were not for the words he was saying, he would have sounded almost back to normal. "Now take off your pants."

Hakkai and Gojyo chose this moment to enter the room. "Oh my" was Hakkai's reaction, while Gojyo just stood there, his mouth open in shock.

"Shit. When I spiked his drink, I didn't think he'd react like this."

Hakkai disapprovingly looked at his companion. "You spiked his drink?"

"He needed to lighten up." The reply was said with a shrug.

"Hey, you guys, help!" Goku called from the bed. Shying away from an advancing (naked) Sanzo, Goku quickly ran out of room to run. Backing up against the wall, he called out desperately. "Hakkai! Gojyo! What the hell's wrong with him?"

To which Sanzo replied, "My dear sweet monkey, there's absolutely nothing wrong with me. I just wanna explore you."

This caused the monkey boy to go very red indeed. "Sanzo, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Ch, can't you take a hint? Alright, I'll spell it out for you. I'm incredibly horney and I want you!" the priest moved closer.

"Okay!" Goku said with a grin. "But first you gotta tell me what that means!"

"Oh boy." Gojyo said from the door, a hand over his face. "I'm gonna get blamed for this."

"It means," Sanzo said slowly, "that I wanna screw you."

Goku visibly gulped. "Uh Sanzo," Hakkai began. "I don't think this is the time or the place."

Sanzo pouted. "But I wanna screw the monkey."

Hakkai didn't seem too surprised. "Some other time perhaps." Sanzo turned to face Goku.

"Will you wait for me?" Hakkai (thankfully) led Sanzo away before the boy had to answer.

"So… you and Sanzo, huh?"

"Shaddup, ya damn water sprite!"

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U

THE NEXT MORNING

"My ass hurts!" Goku called as he entered the dining room causing Gojyo to look at him strangely. Sanzo just kept his head on the table and groaned.

"I told you _not_ to say anything about that."

"But Sanzo, did you have to be so rough?"

Sanzo groaned again. He lifted his head in time to get splattered with the food Gojyo had spat out at Goku's last remark. Grimacing, the monk wiped his face. A cup was placed in front of him.

"A hangover remedy." Hakkai explained. Sanzo gratefully accepted the drink.

After they had all eaten , Sanzo stood and walked to the door. "Let's go."

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U

ON THE ROAD

"So, what did you two get up to last night. I heard from someone that our corrupt monk sneaked back into your room last night." Gojyo was bored and wanted to tease the monkey.

"Nothing." The boy was being unusually quiet.

"No really. I wanna know."

"Nothing happened. Can you shut up for a while, I'm trying to think."

"Well that must be hard. Considering the size of that monkey brain of yours."

"…" Goku stayed silent, not taking the bait.

"Okay, I'll give. What're you trying to think about?"

"Well, last night, Sanzo told me to keep my mouth shut about what we did." Goku blushed at the way the priest did so. '_Hey, sweet-mouth. Tell anyone 'bout thins and I'll have to bite your tongue off. On second thought, tell anyone you want, that way I get to taste you again.' _"And this morning, he remembered that. If he was so drunk to make me play- uh to make me do what we did, shouldn't he have not remembered? It got me thinking, maybe he wasn't that drunk, or even drunk at - ugh!" Damn that paper fan!

"Baka." Sanzo muttered as he returned to his seat.

"You know," Gojyo said loud enough for them all to hear. "the monkey has a point. Were you drunk or just trying to get into his pants?" Goku coloured slightly at this. Sanzo just stayed quiet.

Some time later, when the others were squabbling, Hakkai turned to Sanzo. "You can tell me. Were you drunk?"

Something told the monk that the brunette already knew the answer. _Well_ he thought to himself as he shook his head slightly _no point in lying._


	2. Gojyo

"Hey Hakkai," Gojyo asked while helping clean up. "Can you help me with something?"

"Sure. What can I do to help?" Gojyo smirked and Hakkai had a feeling that he would regret agreeing so readily.

However, after Gojyo told him his plan, the healer decided that, although it was mean, it would be fun.

Sanzo was trying to teach Goku how to play poker when the plan was put into action. Hakkai lured Goku outside with promises of lots of food, while Gojyo annoyed Sanzo so much that he left the room. When they were both gone, Gojyo set up the common room.

Later that night, Goku and Hakkai returned. Gojyo got Goku into place while Hakkai went to get Sanzo.

"Um Sanzo, sorry to disturb" He said softly, nudging the door open. "I need your help! Gojyo is... Well, uh... Just come look. Please." Gojyo managed to keep his face strait as Sanzo fell for his trick.

When Sanzo got to the common room, Goku and Gojyo were sitting awfully close. Goku was moving away slowly while Gojyo was moving closer and closer. Goku let out a yelp as Gojyo touched his upper thigh. "Sanzo! Help me!" Gojyo moved even closer still. Goku tried to back away but Gojyo stopped him.

"What's wrong monkey boy? You were quite happy to do anything Sanzo asked, so why not me?" Gojyo was slurring his words, he was obviously drunk.

"Your not Sanzo." Goku said quietly. "I don't like you when your like this. Sanzo was different."

Gojyo pouted. "So you think that monk is sexier than me?" That's it! Sanzo was about to interfere when Goku answered.

"Hell yeah! Now get away from me!" Hell yeah? The monkry actually thought that Sanzo was sexy?

"But Sanzo don't think your sexy."

Goku looked put out for a moment. "I know. But he might one day!" Neither of them seemed to have noticed Sanzo and Hakkai standing at the door. "I can wait for him. He'll notice me one day."

Gojyo moved closer still. "Get the hell away from him, you perv!" Sanzo yelled from the door.

Goku and Gojyo bpoth span to face him. He had his gun pointed at Gojyo's chest. "Sanzo!" Squeaked Goku. "How long you been standing there?"

"Long enough. Gojyo move away from my monkey."

"So he's your monkey now?"

"Move!" Gojyo did as he was told. Sanzo turned to Hakkai. "Get him to his room." Hakkai nodded."

Gojyo's voice could be heard as they left. "How you doin?"

Sanzo turned back to Goku. "You ok?" He asked. Goku nodded, keeping his eyes on the floor. Sanzo knelt next to him. Goku still averte his eyes.

"How much did you hear?"

Sanzo smirked. "All of it." His expression soffened, "Hey, look at me." Goku did. "What you said, about me noticing you sometime? Well, you were right." With that, Sanzo Kissed Goku. Neither of the men noticed a very sober Gojyo and a very smug Hakkai watching them from the doorway...


	3. Was any of it real?

This was inspired by too much time on and a conversation we had about what Sanzo wears under the lower half of his robe (that in turn was inspired by lack of sleep and too much sugar and gravitation AND talking to RinRin)

Fanfiction

"what the hell is this?" Sanzo yelled. He had Goku's laptop on the table in front of him.

"What the hell is what?" The young brunette asked, entering the room.

"This." Sanzo gestured to the screen. A web page was open, showing a chapter of a story.

"Fanfiction! Isn't it great Sanzo, people like us so much that they've written stories about us!"

The blood rushed to Sanzo's face. "This is about us?" The man looked uncomfortable. "And you've been reading it?"

"Yeah! That one's about the effects alcohol could have on you if Gojyo spikes your drink!" This made the older man even more uncomfortable.

"What the hell!? Who wrote it?"

"the-pevy-pervs."

"What the hell is wrong with those people?"

"I think it would be kinda funny if they were right." Goku looked deep in thought as Sanzo read the rest of the story.

"I would never do that!"

"What?"

"Put my underwear on my head! I never even wear any!" This made Goku look at him in shock. Sanzo realized what he had just sais and gulped.

"Uh, Sanzo-?" Goku asked the gun that was pointed at his head.

"Tell no-one what I just told you. Got it?" Goku just nodded, his face now equally as red as the priests'.

"But uh, Sanzo, what about the rest?"

"Huh?"

"You said you'd never wear your underwear on your head, but uh, what about the rest?"

"You'll see." With that, the blonde man left the room. Goku really didn't have the heart to tell him that his robe was undone. Then he heard Gojyo's scream from downstairs.

"Oh god! My eyes!"


End file.
